handsome mannn #devon#horse#show#horse#carriage#driving (Taken with instagram)

i just hate everything. i try to be so open and honest and try to make conversation. thats what fucking everyone has told me to try and do; stay open. i guess the “what did you do last night” isnt enough for you to tell me? i have to hear of it when you tell one of your friends. all that makes me feel like is that im not important enough to know.. thats really exaggerated though. i dont understand why you dont tell me anything anymore. i always tell you everything just out of habit. but then you wont tell me what you did last night. its not like im suspicious or dont trust you, i just care and want to know what you were up to.

im sorry i dont have other friends to keep me out of your way, but they do the same thing to me now. leave me out of things, never invite me anywhere, idk. i just really feel alone. and unimportant. like i dont matter and no one cares. hell not even my own family tells me when people are coming over or when were having a party…

i hate this feeling. i feel so goddamn alone. say all you want, words dont mean shit. i want fucking attempts to show me you care. tell me stupid stories about what happened last night. i care. it shows me that you trust me and want to be my friend.

this is why im so fucking attached to my horse. he doesnt ever have anything to say to hurt me. he knows what to say and do when im upset, he senses it. and he doesnt even talk. he’ll never leave me out of anything. this sounds like a bunch of bullshit but my horse is honestly possibly one of my two best friends. i trust him completely now; a year ago i didnt. the best part is, he did judge me or gossip about me when i told him all of this.

i will be at the devon horse show tomorrow for the carriage marathonnn, if anyones there look for me (: we’re driving a pair of brown mules, we are the wagonette if you see me tell mee! (:

also will be there thursday til before the grand prix let me know if youll be there too (:

for devon tomorrow!

coming to realize the only friends i have that care about me and try to include me are my boyfriend and my horse.

i kinda feel like a third wheel to life, like i dont even have to be here.

so im taking my drivers permit test tomorrow and im soo nervous, i always freak out before tests and stuff, ive been studying literally for like 2 hours. i havent even studied once this year for more then 15 minutes…

im sad too cuz i finished my book and i have nothing to read ):

tell me thats not cute. #kitten#cute#animal#adorable#farmday#love (Taken with instagram)

now its just really awkward in general cuz no one is talking..

ummm so yeah that awkward moment when your boyfriends dad is yelling at him and youre just like yep um okay yeah nice couch you have heree….